I'm writing here because it's very unlikely someone will read it.
But I really need to write down what it's going on otherwise my head will explode.
You know when you know something is going to happen sooner or later but you never think it's going to be today nor tomorrow... Let alone next week?
Today I woke up early and took a long shower then I heard that Skype noise. I assumed it was my mum because we had a lot to discuss about something that is completely irrelevant right now.
I was wrapped in my towel so my dad said calmly to take my time and finish blowing dry my hair. When I finally got to sit and look at them properly I was still smiling asking why were they calling me this early and commenting about whatever I did last night. That's when I noticed that my dad was crying. And I prepared myself for the worst. But the worst would be good news comparing to what they told me.
My dog died that morning.

I feel like I need to throw up but I can't. I feel like sobbing isn't just enough. It hurts physically on ways I didn't know it was possible. I haven't seen my dog for four months, I thought I was going to find him home like usual when I left for summer break next month. I thought he'd be always there because he's always been there. I have been crying for eleven hours straight now. My head feels like it's being hammered over and over.

Sometimes when I get distracted I just forget that this happened. And then the idea of going back home and not seeing that giant white cow walking around that house strikes me. He won't be there and he's not there right now. He's not lying on the couch nor sitting beside my mum.

I can't imagine my family without him.

I want to pretend that he's still there. Because I'm not there to be reminded that this is not true.

I feel like I'll cry forever and that part of me just died and I think I'll never be the same again.